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I Made a New Notre Dame Football Schedule Because I Can

Get ready to get petty up in here.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NOV 20 Georgia Tech at Notre Dame Photo by Robin Alam/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Being a Notre Dame Fighting Irish fan in Buckeye country is exhausting. I’ve said it before: “join a conference,” and “cupcake schedule,” are unoriginal and boring, and they tire me more by the day. However, they’ve gotten me to think of how I’d arrange things if I were able to shake up the schedule. I’d keep some classic rivalry games, of course, but I mostly relish the opportunity to pick fights with teams with whom I have my own petty beef. In the event I become the queen of Notre Dame football soon, this is what the schedule will look like.

Ohio State

I would put this on the schedule every year until the end of time, if I could. Not only am I bitter about the 2015 Fiesta Bowl, I would just love to see these two Midwestern powerhouses battle it out on an annual basis. The teams have two of the most elite résumés in college football and two of the most intense fanbases around. That energy needs to be a regular thing.

Michigan

@umichfootball

Another Big Ten team, another in-your-face fanbase. The last time these teams faced off in 2019, the game ended 45-14 in the Wolverines’ favor. I have been hyped to see how Marcus Freeman’s leadership will play out in gameplay, and the high-energy stage of an ND/Michigan matchup would be the ultimate proving ground. Also, did anyone see that “We beat Ohio State” medallion? The Irish should be the ones to drag them down from their cloud.

Cincinnati

This one comes down to wanting to go back in time and do something about the musical chairs game at the Irish quarterback position during the 2021 game, and the satisfaction of beating Brian Kelly’s former team. Also, for some reason, the most satisfying ND wins are those against teams from my home state. Maybe I should get help…

Georgia

The Irish fought a good fight against the Bulldogs in 2019, but slip-ups from Notre Dame on the fundamentals locked it in for Georgia 23-17 in the end. This is another of a few games for which I’d love to see a do-over under Freeman.

Miami

Of course, there’s the nostalgia of the Catholics vs. Convicts game, but I’m still miffed about the ugly 41-8 loss to the Hurricanes. Plus, I’ve always wanted one of those shirts.

Alabama

More bowl game beef, here. The Irish started 2021 with a 31-14 loss to the Crimson Tide. I’d love to see the Irish take on college football’s most untouchable team in Notre Dame’s new era.

BYU

They say the pope and the Notre Dame quarterback have the two most important jobs in the Catholic Church. The ultimate battle between Catholics and Latter-Day Saints. I’ll keep the ND/BYU game on my schedule for the “holy war” aspect alone.

Clemson

ACC Championship - Clemson v Notre Dame Photo by Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images

The 2020 season gave me every possible emotion and I put the Tigers on the schedule so I can take steps to resolve them. I’ll leave it at that.

Kent State

If you don’t love #MACtion, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends. Yes, the Golden Flashes have long struggled on the football field, to put it nicely. However, the program has seen a revitalization the under head coach Sean Lewis, with the Flashes winning their first bowl game against Utah State in the 2019 Frisco Bowl. Kent State is also the alma mater of Lou Holtz, and where Marcus Freeman served as a linebackers coach.

LSU

While my mother might tell me that holding a grudge isn’t the Catholic thing to do, there would be something beyond satisfying about beating Brian Kelly’s Tigers, ideally in their own house. Neaux shame.

Navy

I love tradition. That’s why I love Notre Dame. What can I say? Not everyone agrees the ND/Navy game should stick around, but the relationship between the two teams that dates back to the Navy bringing the V-12 Navy College Training Program to South Bend during a tough financial time for Notre Dame warrants the continuation of the tradition.

USC

Because, duh.

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