Mascots provide some of the most iconic images in college football. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish Leprechaun is obviously the most dominant mascot in all the land — but how do its 12 opponents stack up against him OR her?
Let’s rank them. This will on a scale from dominant down to laughable.
1. Clemson Tigers — The Tiger
Look at him BUT NOT TOO LONG. Those eyes are mesmerizing, and have the ability to burn your soul after Clemson goes up more than two scores.
2. Wake Forest Demon Deacons — The Demon Deacon
Scary old church leaders behind the wheel is scary enough, but put one on a motorcycle and it’s fucking terrifying. It’s amazing that Wake Forest has never won a national championship in 131 seasons.
3. Arkansas Razorbacks — Big Red
Feral hogs and furrowed brows make an intimidating combination. Considering the lack of production from the Hawgs on the field, I’d bet that this guy is willing to do anything to help his school win. Be careful.
4. Navy Midshipmen — Bill the Goat
As if Navy isn’t quirky enough with their triple option offense and a crazy ability to give teams one hell of a fight — what the fuck is a goat doing on a battleship anyways? While you’re thinking about that, Bill just broke your knees via a chop block with his horns.
5. Wisconsin Badgers — Bucky Badger
LOOK AT WHAT HE’S DOING! Bucky teaches his prey how to play Pat-A-Cake right before he bites their face off. What the shit is that?
6. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets — Buzz
Maybe if I allowed them to use the Wramblin’ Wreck here they would be ranked higher. Instead, here they are riding the coattails of our fear of Murder Hornets.
7. Western Michigan Broncos — Buster Bronco
Michigan’s marijuana laws and breweries per capita finally got on the same level as Buster here. This is the kindest picture I could find as many pics in the database are Buster being driven around like a wheelbarrow.
8. Pittsburgh Panthers — Roc the Panther
I am completely underestimating Pitt and their super weapon, so of course they go full Sith Lord on us. I have a bad feeling about this.
9. Duke Blue Devils — Blue Devil
This guy has an overinflated sense of himself because of basketball. They haven’t won a NCAA Championship since 2015 when Notre Dame won the ACC. Screw this guy.
10. Louisville Cardinals — Cardinal Bird
A bird that has teeth... GTFO.
11. Stanford Cardinal — A dumbass tree from the band
Yeah, it’s the band’s mascot and it’s an acid trip walking around the gridiron. It’s also not allowed in like 75% of America’s stadiums. Runs away when presented with an ax.
12. USC Trojans — Tommy Trojan
Cosplay for the ridiculous. I’m still uncertain about his toes during a November game in Washington.