NFL DRAFT 2020: It was a wild and revealing night from living room to war room

Most of us were expecting the 2020 NFL Draft to get a little weird at times. I think most of us even thought it might have a glitch or two. After all, the coronavirus pandemic forced this draft away from the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas, and into the homes players and coaches and executives.

It was going to be different — and it was definitely... “different.”

It was some of the most fun I have had watching a first round with no Notre Dame Fighting Irish players selected. Here’s a short run down of how the night went down — well the parts that mattered anyways...

My thoughts watching the ESPN broadcast

The first pick took basically forever to be called and of course it was Joe Burrow to the Bengals. I was more worried about a lack of noise.

Phrasing is important, and always will be. So after a couple of linemen go early, anything other than “the big boys” or “hogs” or whatever else — well that will catch my attention.

I remember Tua Tagovailoa talk about being spanked by his parents when I saw their reaction to him being picked #5 overall. It obviously wasn’t #1 overall.

I should have known the draft was going to take some wild turns when I left the Home Run Inn pizza in the freezer and pulled out this rectangular monstrosity.

The Raiders truly are outlaws that don’t give AF about what you think. Want to know what they think? Well, here’s Jon Gruden’s draft board. ENHANCE... ENHANCE...

Why was Henry Ruggs III the forst WR off of the board? It wasn’t because of his blazing 40 yard dash time. It’s because he’s the only one smart enough to know how to dress at home.

Speaking of smart wide receiver’s... CeeDee Lamb is also a smart one. The girl with the 8 inch heels and 13 inch dress sitting next to you tries to grab your phone — NOT SO FAST BABY!

The internet is undefeated, and after we championed Lamb for being fast and smart for his actions with the lady next to him, her past is revealed. The Oklahoma Sooners athletic department is of one mind.

The draft reminds me that not only are we saying goodbye to these college athletes — they’re going to a strange new land that will squash them like a bug.

ESPN had no idea that they dissed themselves so badly when they talked about Jordan Jefferson being a ZERO star recruit out of high school.

Joey, do you like movies about Gladiators?

It’s hits different in Arizona.

It hits with an entire bottle of LSD in Tennessee.

But wait a minute... is that guy pooping back there or am I REALLY tripping hard on that LSD?

Our greatest hopes for Vrabel’s war room were crushed with another tweet. RIP Poopy Titan Office.

What a night for girlfriends just trying to lift their man up — and then momma lifts their ass up.

And man... that was just a sliver of all of the gold from Thursday night.

IN JOYOUS CONCLUSION

I propose that the NFL Draft is done in VIRTUAL MODE every single year. It was just too good, and much more entertaining than year’s past. We just went down a rabbit hole that had different shafts to about different players and coaches safe spaces, and it was magnificent.

No one can sto — oh shit. We’ve been spotted by the evil villain from his boat lair.