The Rose Bowl Anti-Preview: #4 Notre Dame Fighting Irish VS #1 Alabama Crimson Tide

Welcome to the Anti-Preview — peasants and nobleman alike. How strange a season 2020 has been for us all. There is no rhyme or reason, and if you whine enough, you don’t even need to play half a season to get into the college football playoff. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish played in a conference for the first time in its history, beat the #1 ranked Clemson Tigers, got murdered by the Tigers, ended up in the college football playoff which just so happens to be the Rose Bowl in Texas — and did I say murdered?

I did.

For almost two weeks now we have been told that the Irish are dead. Prince Sabandink, Count Sarken, and the Alabama Crimson Tide are going to roll up the Irish suck the life out of them with their machine. That’s cool... but again... how do you kill something that is already dead? You can’t of course, unless the Irish are only mostly dead.

The Irish have something to live for, and because of their true love for national championships, we can bring them back to life to create a storybook story. Prince Sabandink suffers — humiliations galore.

Brendan McAlinden

Into the Fire Swamp for the Anti-Preview? As you wish...

What should you be drinking?

A week removed from Christmas — and the day after New Year’s Eve — it would be INCONCEIVABLE to have any booze leftover from your holiday stock. If you’re a parent — how in the hell is there a drop left in your house? My suggestion this week is to just 86 whatever you have left in the house, but be careful to drink out of your own cup... unless you knew that we would think that the cup has weak-ass schnapps, or — well you get the point.

Brendan McAlinden

What should you be eating?

Remember friends, we’re nursing ourselves back to health. The best thing for that (besides a bottle of Pedialyte) is a warm bowl of stew.

Look closely y’all... that’s a fine bowl of BEEF STEW.

What should you be wearing?

If you’re trying to storm the castle with the Dread Pirate Drew White, there is simply just one fashion item needed — and that’s a Holocaust Cloak raptured in flame.

Brendan McAlinden

I am the Dread Pirate Drew White! There will be no survivors! My men are here! I am here! ... but soon you will not be here! The Dread Pirate Drew White takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares have but to come true! The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your soul!

3 reasons to hate Alabama

• They can’t count — or at least — add fingers to make their count “accurate”
• Allows their entire SEC country to ride their coattails.
• Their ability to form brute squads.

At the end of the night...

None of the 450+ words before you got here made much sense, but Brendan made the things so I used the things — and here we are. Now we’re having fun. Sure, it’s no easy task to come back from being mostly dead to storm a castle to rescue the girl you love, but that’s exactly what happens in a storybook story. Get ready for the greatest kiss of your lifetime and crank up the song from what looks like Orlando Bloom’s drunk uncle Willy... Irish 38, Bama 37.