Now that we are really heading off into the great wide offseason of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team, we have an enormous amount of time to
do interesting and insightful posts screw around. So, from time to time this summer, we’ll do something incredibly stupid. (More “me” than “we”).
With that in mind, it’s time to break out the sorcery for a little bit.
Notre Dame Fan Numerology
Normally when people discuss numerology, they are looking for some kind of future predictor. Obviously... it’s a bunch of bullshit. For our purposes here today, we are going to use numerology to determine your job as a fan this season. If everyone plays their part, I guarantee Notre Dame will win a national championship this season.
GET YOU NUMBER
Your number will consist of three different sources:
- Your birth year
- The national title year closest to your birth year
- The number of your all-time favorite Notre Dame player
You get your source number by reducing the your number to a single digit by adding them.
Here’s an example of a person that was born in 1970 and their favorite player was Demetrius DuBose.
- 1+9+7+0= 17 —> 1+7= 8
- 1+9+7+3= 20 —> 2+0= 2
- 3+1= 4
- 8+2+4= 14 —> 1+4= 5
So this fan’s number is 5.
GET YOUR TASK
Now that you have your number, you need to put it to work. Below you’ll find a task that corresponds to each number.
- In the morning before each gameday, you must start drinking some type of Irish whiskey, or Guinness. Let everyone know you’re drinking an Irish drink, because you love the Irish, and dammit... this is for the Irish.
- At the end of each pass play, you must yell out RUN THE DAMN BALL. You know... because a 65 yard TD pass is just the worst.
- Defend Brian Kelly at all costs — no matter how boneheaded of a decision he makes, or whatever comes out of his mouth... you will prop him up and make people RESPECT THE BK.
- Trash Brian Kelly at every turn. Notre Dame wins by 4 touchdowns over Michigan? Holtz would have won that game by 50. The Irish go 12-0 and are ranked #1? PLEASE... we all saw what happened the last time. Kelly is awful and must be replaced.
- Always refer to the players as “lads” or “laddies” in your best Irish brogue because you love the Irish dammit, and this is what Frank would have wanted.
- Complain about the Jumbotron when people talk about how awesome it is, but also wildly celebrate its magnificence when someone craps on it.
- Spend $200 or more on Under Armour gear because you want to help the cause.
- Write a strongly worded email to NBC each week in which you demand that they fire Doug Flutie.
- Blast Damhsa Bua loud enough each morning, that the cops are called to your home.
Put your number in the comments below and let us know what you’ll be up to this season.
And that’s basically it. If every person that reads this page does what their number dictates, the Irish will win a national championship this season.