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A Notre Dame Fan’s Review of Amazon’s “All or Nothing: The Michigan Wolverines” (Episode 6)

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Michigan’s starting quarterback doesn’t know how a phone works.

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NCAA Football: Minnesota at Michigan Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

After following the Arizona Cardinals and Los Angeles Rams for its “Hard Knocks”-esque series, “All or Nothing,” Amazon expanded into the college ranks for an eight-episode run with the Michigan Wolverines.

Like most passionate Notre Dame Fighting Irish fans, I can’t stand the Wolverines. I hate their helmets, their fight song, their smug coach and their “Michigan man” nonsense.

I’m going to watch this series, so you don’t have to. These are my real-time reactions of the third episode, with time stamps just in case you do decide, “Yeah, maybe I want to see Wilton Speight compare his girlfriend to a Victoria’s Secret supermodel.”

This episode encapsulates the Wolverines’ wins over the Minnesota Gophers and Maryland Terrapins and features running Karan Higdon and his daughter, Kiyah; offensive coordinator Tim Drevno; running back Chris Evans; and, of course, the three quarterbacks: Wilton Speight, John O’Korn and Brandon Peters.

  • 3:20 Brandon Peters, everybody. Save this GIF for his first interception next year.
Amazon
  • 8:00 Wilton Speight, still recovering from his spinal injury, is doing tricep extension and bicep curls in the pool.

“I probably have the most intimidating dad bod.”

Jason Williams, athletic trainer: “100 percent.”

“..and noodle arm, in at least the Big Ten, if not the entire country.”

“100 percent.”

“That’s the first thing [head trainer Dave] Granito said when he got here, he’s like, ‘You and Tom Brady just have unbelievable dad bods.”

“Huh, that’s a comparison.”

“Yeah, I mean I’ll take it. He’s married to Gisele.”

“It’s the little things.”

“My girlfriend’s hotter than Gisele so...”

OH, WILTON, I KNOW YOU’RE LOOKING FOR THOSE HASHTAG BOYFRIEND BROWNIE POINTS, BUT C’MON SON.

Left: Wilton Speight / Instagram; Right: Antonio de Moraes Barros Filho
  • 22:09 I am HERE for Pep Hamilton calling his quarterback a “jabroni” because he doesn’t know how the phone works.
Amazon

Peters finished the game 8-for-13 for 56 yards and one touchdown. But his passing prowess wasn’t needed, as Higdon and running back Chris Evans ran for a combined 391 yards and four touchdowns.

  • 44:46 Jim Harbaugh congratulates Maryland head coach D.J. Durkin on a “good game” and adds, “Beat the Spartans next week.” Durkin, in the midst of a 4-8 season, meekly replies, “All right. Will do.”

AH, THE OL’ “DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO,” HUH, JIM? TOO BAD NEITHER OF YOUR TEAMS COULD BEAT SUCKY STATE.

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