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Notre Dame Football: The All-Time All-Name Team

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Ridiculous Name Enthusiast Pat Rick has assembled a couple teams full of the best Notre Dame football names he could find

Michigan v Notre Dame Photo by: Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

At this point in my life, it’s no secret to just about anyone who knows me that I’m a huge fan of ridiculous names.

I’ve written about it for a former site and here at One Foot Down, and I rejoice every year when it’s time to fill out my Name of the Year bracket.

So, when a commenter on an article a week or two ago mentioned Michael Stonebreaker and how perfect a name that is for a linebacker, it got me thinking - what are the best names to ever grace the grass/turf in The House That Rockne Built?

So, I began doing my research, scouring ND football rosters for fantastic names. However, I ran into a bit of a pickle when I couldn’t find a reliable, comprehensive source for team rosters earlier than roughly 1999.

That’s when I found this beautiful PDF via a Google search — it lists all 2,560 players who played at least a minute for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team, from its inception all the way up to about 2002.

I hit the name jackpot.

Before I take you to the best of the best, though, I want to point out a few other amazing discoveries I made as I mind-numbingly read through 2500+ names.

First, we need to talk about player nicknames, as they were especially prevalent in the first half of the 20th century and the list of amazing nicknames I compiled during this exercise was exceptional.

Here are just some of my favorites: “Tree,” “Bodie,” “Dutch,” “Judge,” “Cornie,” “Cactus,” “Fod,” “Jepers,” “Rosey,” “Smoush,” “Smousherette,” “Dippy,” “Thunder,” “Cupid,” “Kitty,” “Nordy,” “Ducky,” “Hoot,” “Moose,” “Bunny,” “Ojay,” “Zipper,” “Abbie,” “Happy,” “Slip,” “Chick,” “Pepper,” “Dinger,” “Fuzzy,” “Mugsy,” “Rangy,” “Rip,” “Rupe,” “Moon,” “Peaches,” “Turk,” “One Play,” “Bull,” “Shag,” “Dinny,” “Fritz,” “Clipper,” “Lank,” “Rollo,” “Chile,” “Gillie,” and last but not least, the Irish head coach from 1931 through 1933 — “Hunk” Anderson.

That list doesn’t even mention the countless players nicknamed “Red” and “Cap” and “Doc” and “Tex” and “Curly” and “Duke.” WE NEED TO BRING BACK OLD-TIMEY NICKNAMES IMMEDIATELY - THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN.

Another observation: the prevalence of the name “Dick.”

NCAA Basketball: Ameritas Insurance Classic-Utah at Duke Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Obviously scrolling through a bunch of Irish Catholic names, I expected a lot of names like O’Brien and Sullivan and Kelly and whatnot. But what I also found were 38 different players named “Dick.” This was not something I anticipated - THAT’S 1.5% OF ALL NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL PLAYERS WHO PLAYED IN A GAME UP TO 2002!

In my research before I found this comprehensive list of names, I even found a specific team (1957) that featured 5 players named Dick who recorded some sort of offensive statistic - RBs Dick Lynch and Dick Selcer, and receivers Dick Royer, Dick Prendergast, and Dick Myers.

I have no deeper insight to pull from this, I just thought it was really funny that so many Dicks had played for Notre Dame over the years.

Okay, now that we’ve talked about guys named Hunk and Dinger and Dick, let’s get right into the 1st Team, 2nd Team, and a few Honorable Mentions, of Notre Dame football’s best names of all-time.

1ST TEAM NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL ALL-NAME TEAM

These were my absolute favorite names at each position/position group. The team features:

  • a QB named Doody
  • a running back with Goodspeed
  • a fullback with testicular fortitude
  • a guy named Torgus
  • an offensive lineman whose name sounds like he’s a feared rim protector or SWAT team captain
  • a man who is both named Romanus and who is also nicknamed “Peaches” somehow
  • a guy who is named after your father
  • Herman Hooten, the most fun name to say since Frank Doody
  • a defensive lineman whose last name is either meant to describe how much he is the typical athlete, or, best-case scenario, describes a pesky medical issue he’s experiencing
  • a linebacker looking to get physical
  • a safety tandem with the most intimidating names possible
  • a kicker whose name sounds like a generic name for a man

Notre Dame Football 1st Team All-Name Team

Name Position Year(s)
Name Position Year(s)
Frank Doody QB 1938-1940
Joey Goodspeed RB 1996-1999
Harold Gottsacker FB 1936-1938
Equanimeous St. Brown WR 2015-2018
Golden Tate WR 2007-2009
Dennis Grindinger TE 1976-1978
Bill Kutzavitch C 1961
Torgus Oaas OL 1910-1911
Dick Swatland OL 1965-1967
Romanus "Peaches" Nadolney OL 1918
Joe Papa OL 1938-1940
Arnold Ale DL 1988
Karmeeleyah McGill DL 1989-1992
Herman Hooten DL 1970-1971
Bob Jockisch DL 1967-1968
Rocky Boiman LB 1998-2001
Michael Stonebreaker LB 1986-1990
John Horney LB 1964-1966
Vontez Duff CB 2000-2003
Corny Southall CB (technically a S, but whatever) 1985-1988
Jamoris Slaughter S 2008-2012
Chinedum Ndukwe S 2003-2006
Chuck Male K 1978-1979
Scott Palumbo P 1995-1996

2ND TEAM NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL ALL-NAME TEAM

These were my second-favorite names at each position/position group. Some highlights:

  • a QB whose name makes him the most Scottish person in history, and also a famous Virginia militiaman
  • a somewhat famous playwright at running back
  • a fullback who never drinks
  • a pair of receivers named after mafia characters from The Simpsons, I’m pretty sure
  • DeShone’s revered ancestor
  • a guy named after Bronko Nagurski
  • the ultimate two-first-names name
  • a defensive line made up of Irons, Ishaq, Adetokunbo, and Bert
  • an infant linebacker
  • William Williams
  • safeties named Bumper and Daane
  • PLEASE NOTE: There were absolutely no good punter names that I could find - hell, Scott Palumbo got 1st Team honors at the position. So, I gave Hunter Smith 2nd Team because Hunter the Punter is the best nickname a punter could possibly have

Notre Dame Football 2nd Team All-Name Team

Name Position Year(s)
Name Position Year(s)
Angus McDonald QB 1896-1899
Bill Shakespeare RB 1933-1935
Bernie Livergood FB 1922-1924
Tony Cash WR 1944
Bob Papa WR 1964
Clem Crowe TE 1923-1925
Oswald Geniesse C 1924
Noble Kizer OL 1922-1924
Bronko Nagusrki Jr. OL 1956-1958
Virgil Bardash OL 1950-1952
Bob Bill OL 1959-1961
Adetokunbo Ogundeji DL 2016-2020
Grant Irons DL 1997-2001
Bertrand Berry DL 1993-1996
Ishaq Williams DL 2011-2013
Joe Babey LB 1994-1996
Lyron Cobbins LB 1993-1996
Greer Martini LB 2014-2017
William David Williams CB 2005-2007
Dick Boushka CB 1977-1980
Bumper Schiro S 1981-1982
Daane Spielmaker S 1980-1983
Hal Von Wyl K 1982-1985
Hunter "The Punter" Smith P 1995-1998

HONORABLE MENTION NAMES THAT I FELT NEEDED A SHOUT-OUT

Finally, these were the other names I felt VERY STRONGLY about but couldn’t find room for on my first and second teams. I do not have Honorable Mentions for each position (in fact, it appears I only have them for positions on offense), but these guys deserve recognition for unbelievable monikers, including:

  • QBs named inspiring, leader-esque names like Dinkle and Dick Coad
  • running backs named Hiawatha and Achille and Steve (who is Wack)
  • Oh, and Dick Zielony, fullback-at-law
  • Monty Stickles, who sounds like a notorious pick-pocket
  • Arnaz and Temitope and Hercules and Mirko Jurkovic
  • an offensive lineman who I’m fairly certain isn’t real and just represents what each of these players receives upon graduating

Notre Dame Football Honorable Mention All-Name Team

Name Position Year(s)
Name Position Year(s)
Nicholas Dinkle QB 1892-1894
Dick Coad QB 1904
Achille "Chick" Maggioli RB 1943-1944
Steve Wack RB 1968
Hiawatha Francisco RB 1983-1986
Dick Zielony FB 1969-1970
Temitope Agoro WR 2016-2019
Monty Stickles WR 1957-1959
Arnaz Battle WR 1998-2002
Hercules Bereolos OL 1939-1941
Ed Degree OL 1920-1922
Mirko Jurkovic OL 1988-1991

Folks, even though I devoured a huge list of names along with rosters from the past 18 years or so, there is a good chance I still left off some very deserving players. Here is all of my work if you’d like to peruse it.

I kindly ask that you leave a comment with any changes you would make to these All-Name teams, berating me for my personal choices as much as you see fit. I always encourage a nice, heated discussion in the comments section about any and all arbitrary topics - let’s #EmbraceDebate, my friends.