Irish Links: Which Former #7 at ND is a Wanted Burglar?

GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY MARCH, Y’ALL!

Here are your Irish links for this lovely Wednesday morning.

The Ugly, the Bad, and the Good in College Football Offseason News

(because reverse order means we can end on a positive note)

The Ugly

Okay, so this first link isn’t solely about college football, but the situation at Baylor continues to prove that those in power at that school truly have their priorities mixed up, as Baylor women’s basketball coach Kim Mulkey displayed in her postgame comments on Saturday. She proceeded to double down on her message in the postgame presser:

Mulkey later said she felt horrible about the violent wording she used, but it’s gotta still be concerning that she could look at the 31 different players who allegedly committed 52 “acts of rape” in a 3-year span and say with a straight face that the school is like everyone else in terms of what’s going on there.

The Bad

Oklahoma star quarterback Baker Mayfield, one of the favorites to compete for the Heisman next season as a senior, was arrested over the weekend for public intoxication, disorderly conduct, and fleeing and resisting arrest while in Arkansas.

Let’s check in on what Barry Switzer has to say about the Oklahoma star getting arrested:

Tom Fornelli of CBS Sports made a few points about Barry’s QBs’ checkered past, though, so maybe he shouldn’t be getting so high and mighty with those jokes, eh?

If I’m Bob Stoops, this news, although disappointing for Mayfield, has to be encouraging for the program. Doesn’t he remember what happened to Notre Dame after their starting QB was arrested while trying to get away from cops?

THEY WENT TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! Let’s celebrate, Sooner fans:

The Bad for Notre Dame, Specifically

Speaking of college football players getting arrested, Irish fans might not be in any position to make fun of Oklahoma due to this criminal who has been at large since August.

The key line in the Tampa Bay Times article was the one below:

Deputies describe the suspect as 20 to 30 years old. He was seen wearing a Notre Dame No. 7 football jersey.

WHO IS THIS MYSTERY NOTRE DAME PLAYER?

Let’s go over the likely suspects (former #7s at ND, because Brandon Wimbush and Nick Watkins have alibis of being in class) and their likely motives, including some older folks, because who knows if the deputies/witnesses were actually able to accurately judge the suspect’s age?

• Will Fuller - seeing his future in Houston with no quarterback to throw him the ball, Will has fallen on some desperate times and has committed to a life of crime
• TJ Jones - TJ plays for the Lions, who are located in Detroit, a city known for automobile manufacturing...”popping door locks with screwdrivers” sounds like someone with some inside knowledge of the car industry, don’t you think?
• Stephon Tuitt - he plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers...which is awful close to the Pittsburgh STEALERS...just sayin’
• Jimmy Clausen - he’s still searching for a team that will give him another shot in the NFL and is looking EVERYWHERE, even in strangers’ cars
• Craig Cardillo - I have no idea who this is, but he was on the 2006 roster and I haven’t heard anything about him since...seems plenty suspicious to me
• Carlyle Holiday - dude made a living evading defenders (literally, he became a wideout and played for the Packers), so he’s definitely someone who can survive on the lam for 7+ months
• Jarious Jackson - currently working as “quarterbacks coach for the Saskatchewan Roughriders,” which sounds an awful lot like a front for a bustling car burglary business
• Steve Beuerlein - was the first selection in the 1995 NFL Expansion Draft by the Jacksonville Jaguars, but lost his starting job to Mark Brunell before the inaugural season was complete. He had a reported beef with Coach Tom Coughlin and finished the season as 3rd string. With Coughlin returning to the Jaguars organization, maybe Steve is scouring Florida for his car in order to get back at him by burglarizing it?
• Joe Theisman - used to be a part owner of the UFL’s Florida Tuskers, but didn’t like the way he was treated in the league and left the organization. Sounds like he might have a bone to pick with some people in or around Florida, eh?
• John Huarte - seems unlikely due to his declining speed, and he has no connection to the state of Florida listed on his Wikipedia page. Sounds a little TOO innocent, right?

I’m having trouble with this one. I’ll think about it and get back to you. Feel free to comment below with who you think it might be, as the deputies in Tampa could clearly use your help.

The Good

Winter conditioning can be an absolutely grueling time, as coaches put players through a gauntlet of workouts to whip them into shape for spring ball. Thus, it’s absolutely fantastic, especially for the players who think they have a workout coming, when the coach instead announces that they’re going to be eating chicken and waffles.

Here’s the video of Will Muschamp making the announcement to his South Carolina team:

And as if seeing that crazy man put on a Waffle House paper hat wasn’t enough, the past week has also blessed us with an even more insane coach doing something even more out of character:

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!

The NFL Combine Started Yesterday

As you probably already know, the NFL Combine began yesterday and will continue through Monday, March 6th. Here’s an overview of the schedule, with the big days for Notre Dame’s DeShone Kizer, Isaac Rochell, and Jarron Jones being Saturday (Kizer) and Sunday (Jones and Rochell), as those are the days they will complete their on-field workouts.

Meanwhile, some lucky player just might become the owner of their very own private island, courtesy of Adidas. If a player wearing Adidas shoes breaks Chris Johnson’s record 4.24 40-yard-dash time at the combine, Adidas will give them a private island of the company’s choosing worth $1M. This is me after hearing this news:

This May Not Be Such a Good Idea, Guys

A tweak to a law in North Carolina would allow parents to evaluate their children after suffering a concussion and give them the authority to send them back into the game.

Although House Bill 116, as noted in the article linked above, does some good in terms of concussion education and implementing an injury database, I think the last paragraph written by SB Nation’s Molly Podlesny sums it up best:

So, to put all this in perspective, parents of athletes who may not be able to express their symptoms can now examine their child after a concussion, determine whether or not they are fine, and send them back into a game or competition, where they could be subject to further injury and exacerbation. Seems foolproof.

IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR MARCH MADNESS SO LET’S TALK COLLEGE BASKETBALL

As we stand just a week and a half away from Selection Sunday, Pete Thamel gives us an interesting viewpoint on how he thinks the committee needs to look closer at including more mid-major teams who had strong seasons as opposed to major conference teams with mediocre records.

CBS Sports’ Matt Norlander wrote a great piece on one such deserving mid-major team who has been inspired by being snubbed on Selection Sunday last year. Monmouth looks like a dangerous team come tourney time, and God knows they’ll be a fun one to watch.

Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports

Also, while we’re talking about the tournament, might I suggest quickly getting yourself a job at Berkshire Hathaway? Scoring a job there and guessing the entire Sweet 16 correctly will get you $1 million from Warren Buffett for life.

Just something to think about.

This Week’s Episode of “What Did Lonzo Ball’s Dad Say?”

Lavar Ball is at it again.

After saying his son was better than Steph Curry last week, Mr. Ball has now officially decided where is oldest son will play professionally next year. Ball backtracked a bit and said he wouldn’t only play for the Lakers, but the fact he is able to confidently say he is going to “speak it into existence” is enough for me to award Lavar Ball with “World’s Most Confident Dad” for the second consecutive week.

He’s gonna need that confidence to make it through all three of his sons’ careers, because it’s starting to look more and more like there’s nowhere to go but down in terms of talent.

Tell Us About Other Notre Dame Sports, Pat! Stop Focusing on Football and Basketball So Much!

Fine! You’ll be happy to know that your 3rd-ranked Notre Dame women’s basketball team had two players, Brianna Turner and Lindsay Allen, named to the All-ACC first team, while Jackie Young was awarded a spot on the ACC’s All-Freshman Team.

Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports

Meanwhile, over on the lacrosse pitch (I can call it that, right?), Notre Dame midfielder Alex Dalton is ACC Defensive Player of the Week after helping the Fighting Irish knock off undefeated Elon and undefeated, 9th-ranked Duke last week. Dalton was a preseason All-America honorable mention and has helped lead Notre Dame to a 6-game win streak, the longest active streak in the ACC.

WE HAVE OFFICIALLY FOUND THE GREATEST NAME IN SPORTS HISTORY

Whether it’s Kobe Buffalomeat or Lion King or Duany Duany or anything else, I’m a man who appreciates a fantastic athlete name.

So, it is with great pleasure that I present my favorite sports player name of all-time:

How did we get so lucky?

We don’t deserve you, Stockton Malone Shorts. We will never be worthy.

Miscellaneous Stories You Need to Check Out Because I Said So

• This first story is no big deal really, just Kelsey Plum of Washington BECOMING THE CAREER SCORING LEADER IN NCAA DIVISION 1 WOMEN’S BASKETBALL HISTORY
• From a player finishing a career on top to a kid with his entire career ahead of him, it’s pretty clear who the future is:

• Last week we saw Semaje Perine propose to his girlfriend via a magic trick. This week, we have IU’s Collin Hartman (who hails from the same high school as me, NO BIG DEAL) proposing to his cheerleader girlfriend on Senior Night at the end of his big speech. #Goals, amiright?
• This was a cool moment for Eron Harris on his Senior Night, considering he was injured and couldn’t actually play in the game. Love me some Tom Izzo cool gestures
• A Louisville student hit a layup, free throw, three pointer, and half-court shot in a competition at a game to win $38,000, but the poor kid was deemed ineligible to receive his prize because he played high school basketball. Fine print can really be a bitch
• This Auburn student suffered no such bad luck in basically the same contest, and hit his final shot in style:

SILKY SMOOTH

• This Division III team won their conference title on a half-court shot the other night. It wasn’t granny style, but it’ll do
• South Florida left their two leaders in minutes played behind at the airport the other day. The Twitter undressing that Troy Halston’s mom gave the program was fantastic and completely warranted. I suggest USF uses the buddy system next time (as long as Halston and Geno Thorpe aren’t allowed to be paired up)
• The Ringer put out a ranking of the top 50 fast food items in the U.S. and A., and lots of people got up in arms about it on Twitter. What do y’all think? Sound off in the comments below!