Notre Dame Football: The good, the bad and the Irish: lolololololololololol

Well, hello. It’s me. The person who hasn’t stopped giggling in three days. Yes, you are interrupting my afternoon chuckle about the final score between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and the USC Trojans (it was 49-14), but that’s alright. Since absolutely nothing went wrong on Saturday, this week’s recap will consist of my stream of conscious ramblings about every time I smiled, smirked, gasped, laughed out loud, and lost my effing shit during Saturday’s blowout (BLOWOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!) over USC.

Sorry... am I being too obnoxious? I... I haven’t had much to smile about in the last year or so... So I’m going to go ahead and be really damn annoying about this one.

Scroll at your own risk.

PREGAME

Yea so I may have picked USC to win in the OFD staff picks, but I assure you all that when I made the pick I actually wrote, “UMM USC? idk” so I was not technically 100% incorrect. I did think that the Irish were fully capable of beating a struggling USC team, but I was also wary of Brian Kelly’s record against top-10 teams over the last few years and wanted to hedge my bets. OH buddy was I wrong.

3 AND OUT

First series. Notre Dame has the ball. Notre Dame goes 3-out. “Here we go,” I think, “It’s going to be a defensive showdown. Just like Georgia.” Notre Dame punts. I begin biting my nails.

FUMBLEEEEE

Okay, time to watch this Darnold guy that everyone has been talking about! He’s going to be a first round draft pick in 2018, or so they say. But what’s this? Darnold’s bobbling the ball! Darnold is going down! THAT’S TEVON CONEY WITH THE BALL. AN IRISH TAKEAWAY. SAM DARNOLD? MORE LIKE DARN SAM OLD.

TOUCHDOWN IRISH

To all the “Brandon Wimbush can’t throw the football” clowns out there:

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

I propose a Halloween costume for EQ.

Brandon Wimbush

Wimbush played an unbelievable game. You can say all you want about his “playing style,” which is what the dumb folk on television love to harp on, but this offense put up forty fucking nine points on USC. Wimbush threw for 2, ran for 2, and tied DeShone Kizer’s season rushing touchdown record... IN ONLY SEVEN GAMES. IDC how he scores. It’s 2017 y’all, there is no cookie-cutter quarterback out there. Deshaun Watson won a Natty with a substantial run game and Lamar Jackson won the Heisman scoring in a myriad of ways (mostly getting it done by his own damn self). WHO GAFS. LET THE BOY PLAY. DROP THAT SHOULDER BRANDY.

Halftime

Real talk - I was a nervous mess at halftime. I know we were up 28 points, BUT WE ALL WATCHED THE SUPER BOWL, RIGHT? Like, a 28 point lead is great, sure, but imagine if USC came back and beat us after that halftime lead? I would jump in the Hudson River and let the sea monsters take me. I would crawl into the NYC sewers and let a rat king drag me into its dark underground kingdom. I would take the subway after midnight. Thankfully, USC’s shit first half was actually not an anomaly and it turns out we’re just way better at them at football. How bout that!

I live in a constant state of fear.

JOOOOOOSHHHHH ADDAMMMSSSSS

He’s really good, but I’ve been saying it all season.

Seven times, you say? Hmm, how strange. Notre Dame has only played 7 games. It’s almost like he’s been consistently dismantling defenses all season.

There was a really good punt

Look at this f**king punt.

4th quarter

I wasn’t the only person who thought I was dreaming during that second half.

Mom, same.

Bath TYYYMEEE

Shit left me speechless.

For some reason this still of Brian Kelly really reminds me of Bobby Petrino.

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

If you told me there would be a gatorade bath and a third-string quarterback in the fourth quarter of the Notre Dame-USC game a year ago I would have said, “Jesus, how did all of our quarterbacks get injured and also Gatorade baths are lame as hell.” But nah, this was the good scenario where Gummy did the victory formation and BK bathed in the ice cold stream of a thousand rushing touchdowns.

Doug Flutie

Everyone got mad as hell at Doug Flutie again because well, he’s Doug Flutie. He made a comment towards the end of the broadcast about USC leaving the Jeweled Shillelagh at home. Then, Notre Dame posted pictures with it after the game leaving everyone confused as hell. He also would not shut up about Sam Darnold, apparently, but I honestly tuned him out.

In other news, it was Doug Flutie’s birthday on Monday. Happy birthday, Doug!

In Conclusion,

This game was a sight to behold. I hate USC for a lot of reasons. For the Bush Push, for being in warm, sunny California while I suffered through negative forty degree wind chills in South Bend, for having ugly colors, for Pete Carroll, for Mark Sanchez, for the weather thing again, for all the other football players, for their stupid mascot with the sword. Yea, it feels good to finally win a game against them by a large margin. I don’t care if USC ends up in a downward spiral nose dive for the rest of the season and this win turns out to be meaningless. We broke them.

*TAKES DEEP BREATH*

*EXHALES*

PLAYOFFS?

Here we go, folks! Now we get to listen to weeks worth of, “Is Notre Dame back?” and “Is Notre Dame is overrated/underrated!?” and best of all, “I HATE THAT WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT NOTRE DAME AGAIN!” content. (Last one = shoutout to the Shutdown Fullcast.) Yea, Notre Dame blew out USC, and you might’ve watched a quarter of it between commercial breaks of Penn St-Michigan but it don’t mean you can start spewing your crazy ass takes without doin’ some research first.

Oh wait, we live in the day of talking heads on every sports station and channel known to mankind, I guess you can do that.

SHILLELAGH BACK

Despite what Doug Flutie says, the Jeweled shillelagh is back in South Bend. Let’s never let ‘em hear the end of this one.

Go Irish.... GET REVENGE ON THE WOLFPACK for the love of god.