The Anti-Preview: #13 Notre Dame Fighting Irish VS #11 USC Trojans

OH MY GOD THE NOTRE DAME FIGHTING IRISH HAVE SOMETHING TO FIGHT FOR! At 5-1, and ranked #13 in the AP Poll, the Irish are right in the thick of the hunt for a playoff spot. Notre Dame is coming off of a bye week that was full of delicious cheeseburgers and Top 25 teams being upset - so at least that voodoo is past us.

It’s time to move forward and ready the troops to conquer the second half of the season. Oh... Troy is in the way? Well, let’s burn Troy to the fucking ground.

SOUTHERN CAL

The USC Trojans were everyone’s little darling heading into the 2017 season, but even at 6-1, Southern Cal has a lot of doubters right now. The injuries are piling up, and everyone’s Heisman favorite, quarterback Sam Darnold, has had a fairly mediocre season thus far.

It’s the Battle for the Jeweled Shillelagh, and as far as I’m concerned, nothing else seems to matter right now. It’s not just a big game - IT’S THE BIGGEST MOTHERTRUCKING GAME OF THE SEASON. Get that stick back, because it’s just as important to them as it is to us, and I say SCEW ‘EM.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING?

If you haven’t been following me and my writings all these long years, then you may actually believe that this section for Southern Cal could be a wide array of different possibilities.

NOPE.

There is only one drink for this week...

TROJAN BLOOD

• Gin. Any gin will do, but I prefer Tanqueray here.
• Mountain Dew Code Red.

It doesn’t really matter what proportions you decide to use. Mix it, and chug it. It’s my wonderful gift to you.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING?

After some long consideration about what would be appropriate this week, I couldn’t help but think of all of you taco lovers out there, and get swole thinking about #TeamBurrito. To make things interesting, I’m taking inspiration from the great Taco Bell...

CHILLITO

We don’t need to get fancy here. Make your chilli anyway you like, throw it in a tortilla, toss in some cheese, and roll that bad boy up.

If you’re looking for a more “authentic” version of the Taco Bell classic, then you can watch this video - which is pretty fucking awful:

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE WEARING?

It probably goes without saying that for pretty much every Notre Dame game against the Trojans, a certain percentage of the fanbase will try (in vain) to get a “green out” going for Notre Dame Stadium. While that just isn’t the type of thing that will EVER happen at Notre Dame, I applaud those that try to do something cool and fun.

So, WEAR GREEN YOU SILLY BORING BASTARDS! It’s just too bad we can’t quickly get this on a t-shirt:

WHAT’S THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS GAME?

Other than it being Notre Dame’s ONE AND TRUE RIVAL? The real answer to this resides with Notre Dame’s one and only loss this season. It was said, both before and after the game against the Georgia Bulldogs, that the Irish would have to wait 5 weeks to prove themselves on a national scale.

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

So, that time is now. If Notre Dame truly wants to be recognized as a national player this year, they have to keep winning, and they have to beat a big name opponent. Southern Cal plays that part perfectly this week.

What’s the best thing about this game? It’s HUGE.

5 REASONS TO HATE SOUTHERN CAL

1. They get all bitchy about being called, “Southern Cal.”
2. Pretty much everything about the 2005 game, including their incessant need to constantly bitch about the grass.
3. They won’t play Notre Dame in South Bend in November.
4. That fucking song.
5. They have the Jeweled Shillelagh.

SHAMROCK STARS

Josh Adams. There isn’t a player that is getting more disrespect in the country than Josh Adams right now. Adams has been incredible, but his 55 yards (or whatever) against Georgia haunt him. Against a weakened Trojan front 7, the Notre Dame offensive line makes the necessary holes for Adams, and he goes off for 150+ and a couple of touchdowns. Queue up the #JoshAdams4Heisman campaign.

Shaun Crawford. The Notre Dame defense has a real playmaker in the secondary and his name is Shaun Crawford. A lot has been made of Odd Mr. Anals (Sam Darnold) and his receivers, but they haven’t gone up against the likes of Crawford yet. Whether it’s in the form of an interception or fumble or whatever... Crawford will make his presence known.

AT THE END OF THE NIGHT...

Notre Dame is getting Southern Cal at the right time this year. In many ways, USC is struggling, and injuries in the trenches are giving way to youth and inexperience. That’s not a good recipe against an Irish team that has been winning games by 20 points or more because of the way it has owned the line of scrimmage. The Irish are favored, and they win: Notre Dame 38, USC 31.