Happy Bye Week Saturday, Irish fans!!!!!
Mood: pic.twitter.com/p83PBuA5sJ— Shaun Crawford (@ShaunCrawf20) October 13, 2017
The Bye Week Q&A continues this morning with Part 3, an interview with Irish Illustrated’s Pete Sampson.
However, I didn’t ask Pete any questions about the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team’s 2017 season. Nay, I have been in a major feud with Mr. Sampson for over a year now, and so I felt the need to pepper him with more...unorthodox questions for this interview.
But before we get to that, I feel the need to explain this “feud,” because it’s absolutely a feud that I concocted and that likely only exists in my head (and maybe in the heads of my friends).
Nevertheless, it’s one of the most important conflicts of our time, and you need to be knowledgeable about it so you can take my side and help me accomplish the ultimate goal — getting Pete and his fellow Irish Illustrated podcast hosts Tim O’Malley and Tim Prister to answer one of my questions on their weekly podcast.
It All Started With Ocean’s Eleven
I’ve never met Pete in person. I think one time we shared an elevator at a hotel in Greenville during Clemson weekend, but I’ve never spoken to him in real life.
No, like any good millennial, I first reached out to Pete via Twitter, in response to his sincere request for football questions for the Irish Illustrated podcast in late summer, 2016.
I...did not provide the type of question he was looking for, at all. However, in my humble opinion, I provided an even better question than the boring football questions he normally has to answer. I was looking out for the entertainment value of his podcast. This was meant to be a favor.
you're putting together an Ocean's Eleven crew of Notre Dame players to pull off the heist of the century...who ya got?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 25, 2016
Pete disregarded my question, though, and failed to even acknowledge the greatness of it, and this left me quite miffed. I know, you know, and we all know that this is the kind of thing people want to hear about on a Notre Dame sports podcast.
So, I let him hear it.
Pete, just listened to the podcast...didn't hear any Ocean's Eleven talk. What's up with that?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 26, 2016
GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT
This got Pete’s attention, and he made excuses about needing time to answer such a heavy question, and began to discuss with me some of his preliminary thoughts.
“Okay, I can buy that,” I thought to myself.
This seemed like we were on the brink of a fantastic answer being introduced on the Irish Illustrated podcast, and a lively discussion between the three hosts was certain to follow.
Fast-forward two weeks, and I’d heard nothing since then. Things were looking bleak, and I was at a crossroads.
I could abandon the question and chalk it up to a busy reporter with lots of questions coming at him just not having the time to tackle a beautiful question that melds football and cinema into one complete package.
Or, I could persist, constantly asking Pete the question until he became worn down and decided to answer it on his podcast just to shut me up.
This, obviously, was the path I chose. Little did I know, though, that Pete was willing to hunker down and withstand a Twitter onslaught that eventually ended up including my friends joining in and asking Pete the same question with me.
Our questions falling on non-listening ears went on for about a month...
hi yes my question is still the same one about Ocean's Eleven thank you for your time— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 8, 2016
I think @Psully226 has a question. Something about Ocean's Eleven.— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) September 15, 2016
Uhhh hey Pete, was quickly skimming through the questions section of the pod and didn't hear Danny Ocean's name..— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 15, 2016
Hi Pete.@TonyAyala89 and I are still curious who you guys would pick from this team for your Ocean's Eleven heist squad— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 22, 2016
Then, finally, on September 21st, a breakthrough!
I want to save this for the bye week. Haha— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) September 22, 2016
Pete finally responded, and promised to cover the topic in the bye week podcast. This was positive news, even if he did use a very fake and passive aggressive “Haha” at the end of the tweet (if he actually wanted to convey he thought it was funny, he should have used 3, not 2, “ha”s.
Nonetheless, it was a heartening development. So, we patiently waited, but still made sure to keep it atop Pete’s mind, knowing full well this wasn’t his top priority and could easily fall by the wayside.
Hi Pete, hope all is well. One week until the big Ocean's Eleven episode - couldn't be more pumped!— Pat Rick (@Psully226) October 13, 2016
Finally, the bye week came. We were excited, and we were anxious.
@Psully226, we're on our bye. Do you know if @PeteSampson_ addressed the Ocean's Eleven question? Or maybe it's on next week's agenda? https://t.co/nl6h0JqQvM— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) October 18, 2016
Then, disappointing news was delivered.
Will do it next week. I want to rewatch the movie this week to take copious notes— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) October 18, 2016
After 2 months of Pete ignoring us and then assuring us he would tackle the issue during the bye week, he did not tackle the issue during the bye week.
Pete’s promise of answering it on his podcast the next week helped a little, but still seemed like a potentially empty promise based on what had already transpired. My personal beef with Pete was growing.
Then, finally, the next week’s podcast came around, and Pete failed to deliver again.
He did finally answer the question in detail a couple days later in a screenshot of his choices that he tweeted to me.
Didn't get this into the podcast, but owed you an answer here. pic.twitter.com/F5WnIqifQV— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) October 27, 2016
But he never brought it into the podcast, and so the lack of on-air discussion about Notre Dame players and Ocean’s Eleven casino heists stoked a fire within me that would only grow during a long offseason.
Double Dare 2000
After a winter, spring, and summer spent stewing over Pete’s lackadaisical effort to bring the Ocean’s Eleven discussion to Irish nation, I noticed Pete asking for questions for the podcast once again as the 2017 season drew near.
So, refusing to be bested, I redoubled my efforts in getting Pete to answer another great question on his podcast. And my friends once again jumped in to help me out.
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 7, 2017
Opinion on who is best suited to race up the Super Aggro Crag the fastest will also be accepted.— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) August 7, 2017
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 14, 2017
Follow up- which ND player could summit the Aggro Crag the quickest? And would your answer change if it was the Mega Crag?— Pat C (@iamthetweeter) August 14, 2017
Mega isnt worth answering. We wanna know who can beat the one thats bigger, sharper, filled w/ more obstacles & more surprises than ever b4.— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) August 14, 2017
PETE ISN'T READY FOR THE SUPER AGGRO. He d-d-d-d-doesn't have it.— Pat C (@iamthetweeter) August 14, 2017
The constant trash talk from us about Nickelodeon game shows clearly began to get to Pete, who normally shows very little weakness in our Twitter interactions.
I hate myself for having no idea what you guys are talking about.— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) August 14, 2017
And when he showed weakness, we piled on. We were going for the kill.
August 14, 2017
As August moved forward, we continued to pepper Pete with the now infamous Double Dare question, as well as a few other classic game show/ND football mashup questions.
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 21, 2017
If Mike McGlinchey was on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, would he be more likely to use his 50/50 or Ask The Audience lifeline first?— Pat C (@iamthetweeter) August 21, 2017
And although he still refused to answer the Double Dare question, Pete began to meet us in the middle and show some general interest in what we were talking about. Here he is asking a clarifying question about Who Wants to Be A Millionaire on August 21st:
Is Harry Hiestand available?— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) August 21, 2017
So, we kept going, as we knew we had Pete on the ropes. We NEEDED Pete to answer this Double Dare question, and it was only a matter of time. We just had to keep asking.
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 28, 2017
Despite our steely resolve, there were moments when we thought it was a lost cause, or even that we didn’t deserve Pete’s Double Dare analysis.
How has Pete not blocked you yet?— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) August 28, 2017
But we could not be denied. I refused to quit tweeting my Double Dare question. This was about journalistic integrity.
I had to do this — for not only myself, but for the people, and for the profession.
Why would he block me? Because I ask the hard-hitting questions that other journalists are afraid to ask?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) August 28, 2017
On Labor Day weekend, I responded to Pete’s request for game predictions, and he replied with a Double Dare reference of his own.
Even when I didn’t bring it up, clearly it was haunting Pete:
MVG feels like a sneaky Double Dare pick.— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) September 1, 2017
Now we're cookin' with gas— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 1, 2017
Indeed, Pat from September 1st. We are, indeed, now cookin’ with gas.
I began taking every chance I had to work Double Dare into a Twitter reply to Pete. It was time to overwhelm him and push him to the brink of sanity. I had to break him.
Actually, I think Les Miles would do very well on Double Dare 2000. Sign me up for that move— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 10, 2017
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 14, 2017
Even people I’ve never met before began to have my back in this endeavor. This was becoming a #movement.
This question has gone unanswered for far too long— RJaM (@R_Jams) September 14, 2017
Pete took notice and tried to buy himself some time.
I'll bring this to interviews next week and put it to the test. pic.twitter.com/O2g3Jk0N5C— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) September 14, 2017
And so we kept at it, every week, like clockwork. We even used Pete’s own time-buying tactics against him.
Will you be summarizing your findings? Asking for a friend (@Psully226) pic.twitter.com/Dsa1bgiWkl— Tony Ayala (@TonyAyala89) September 21, 2017
Then, at the end of September, we had a huge moment that would only serve to fuel the fire inside our hearts. It began with my normal response to Pete’s weekly tweet.
If you're putting together a team of four to compete on the Nickelodeon game show Double Dare 2000, which 4 current ND players do you pick?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 28, 2017
Then, thanks to a strategic tweet from my friend Pat C, something truly amazing happened...
Come on, Pat. He said get creative. Sorry about that, Pete!— Pat C (@iamthetweeter) September 28, 2017
Anyway, is Dexter Williams a Silver Snake or a Blue Barracuda?
September 28, 2017
That’s right folks, our constant tweet-storm of questions drove Pete Sampson to make and send a fantastic photoshopped image of Dexter Williams as a team member of the Blue Barracudas from the old Nickelodeon game show, Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Unfortunately, Dexter could not confirm the accuracy of the image...
@DexterW_22 is he right? You're a Blue Barracuda through and through?— Pat Rick (@Psully226) September 28, 2017
...but it was still a huge step forward.
Then, finally, this past week, we had an even bigger breakthrough.
I asked Pete to answer a question for my Bye Week Q&A series, and despite making it clear I only wanted to ask him the one all-important question, he finally folded and decided it was time to stop fighting the Double Dare Revolution.
Hit me.— Irish Illustrated (@PeteSampson_) October 10, 2017
So, I sent Pete an entire list of non-football-related questions, and even buried the Double Dare question at the bottom of the list out of spite.
I lied about it being one question (I had friends submit questions to ask), but if you only answer one question, I choose number 1. pic.twitter.com/InPR974Q30— Pat Rick (@Psully226) October 11, 2017
Pete went silent for 2 days, so I decided to give him one, final, public nudge. It was time to bring it home.
*clears throat to get Pete's attention*— Pat Rick (@Psully226) October 12, 2017
This was the finger pushing the first domino over. This was your friend pulling the wrong Jenga block. This was a person on the bottom row of a human pyramid deciding to get up and leave. The flood gates opened, and the Pete Sampson answers came through all at once.
And so, without further ado, despite the fact he STILL hasn’t brought any of our questions to his podcast, here are Pete’s unedited, unfiltered answers to all the most important questions we had for him (collected from people on Facebook and Twitter).
Hopefully, with this major step of him agreeing to a full interview on inane topics, we can get the next question we ask him actually into the podcast and officially accomplish what we set out to accomplish all those months ago.
We aren’t completely there yet, but damnit if this isn’t the second-to-last step in what has been a truly miraculous, arduous, and rewarding journey.
1. If the Irish Illustrated writers were the members of Destiny’s Child, who would be Beyoncé? And Kelly and Michelle?
My knowledge of this subject is limited, but as the only person on staff who’s seen Jay-Z in concert, I think that automatically makes me Beyoncé. Obviously, I don’t quite measure up in pipes, hair or general style. I also don’t have a child named after a color. But let’s just roll with this.
I feel like Prister is more Kelly and O’Malley is more Michelle. But I have a hard time defending those positions.
2. Have you seen all of The Office? If so, where does Dwight’s go-to warehouse guy Nate rank in your favorite characters? I’d also be curious just to see your top 15 characters list in general, if possible.
Have I seen The Office? I used to work on a CSA farm and guess what my primary crop was?
Damn right, beets.
From the hours of 7-10 a.m. every Wednesday for about three straight summers I was a beet farmer. I identify with Dwight in so many ways.
I’m sad to say that I never had much of an affinity for Nate in the warehouse. Darryl was such a major influence on that crew that he threw my perception of the warehouse off its axis. Anytime I enter a warehouse now, including Costco, I simply think of Darryl. It’s a warm feeling.
My Top 15 characters? At least you’re not asking me to identify who is whom on The Office relative to Notre Dame football.*
- Michael Scott
- Creed Bratton
- Karen Filippeli
- Gabe Lewis
- David Wallace
- Erin Hannon
- Andy Bernard
- Darryl Philbin
- Todd Packer
- Stanley Hudson
- Deangelo Vickers
- Charles Miner
- Pam Halpert
- Jim Halpert
- Kelly Kapoor
*Editor’s note: this is a pretty good idea for the next question to annoy Pete with
3. If you schedule your wedding for a USC football weekend at a venue with no TVs, does that make you a bad friend?
Until this year, “a venue with no TVs” would have included Notre Dame Stadium, which would have made you a great friend if you picked Section 119 as the location of the actual wedding/reception.
Imagine having an usher oversee the ceremony and then when everyone rises for the bride’s entrance, for that usher to then tell everybody to sit down and shut up.
4. Do you prefer the peanut butter or jelly (I assume this friend was talking about in a PB&J sandwich?)?
5. Taco vs. burrito. Choose one, and give a reason why.
This is a temperature question for me.
After most Brian Kelly press conferences on Tuesdays, I’ll go to Chipotle for lunch. If the temperature is above 60 degrees, I order tacos (soft shell, flour). If it’s below, a burrito.
To me, the burrito is a means to harden yourself against the harsh Midwest winter (and perhaps the disappointment of November home schedules. Hi Wake Forest!). Tacos keep you lighter on your feet.
6. Answer my Double Dare question, please and thank you.
Chase Claypool, Julian Okwara, Tyler Newsome, Brian Kelly (USF game version)
I want to give a huge shout out to my arch nemesis Pete, for being a great sport through all of this and answering my questions (although, if he had just brought the original Ocean’s Eleven question to the podcast, none of this would have been necessary).
I implore you all to follow Pete on Twitter, mainly to see me tweet at him some more (and for you to help me tweet at him), but also I guess for his Notre Dame coverage or whatever.
With your help, we can make #PeteShouldAnswerPatsQuestionsOnThePodcast a reality. We just gotta keep our feet moving. We’ve got this.