Well, it’s the bye week for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and if you couldn’t tell by now, the OFD staff is having a bit of fun eating cheeseburgers, looking up baby names, finding life outside of college football, and whatever else we can think of to pass the time.
One of the things that I saw this week, and can’t get enough of, is another rant from Mike Valenti. I’m sure you remember Mikey V from his famous (and over a decade old) rant on his radio show after the Michigan State Spartans CHOKED ON APPLESAUCE against the Irish in 2006. This time, his rant was aimed towards the Michigan Wolverines.
Please don’t continue reading until you watch that video. (Okay, you can keep reading if you want — but you’re missing out).
Valenti calls out the Michigan program for, basically, being soft and drowning in its own pool of history and perceived self-worth. It’s a narrative that Irish fans can probably relate to — but we ain’t here to talk about that. Why does this rant even exist ... because the Wolverines lost to the Spartans yet again.
Jim Harbaugh is getting owned by Mark Dantonio.
HOW CAN THAT BE?!
Jim Harbaugh is just the greatest fucking coach ever — just ask any Michigan fan, or media member inside the midwest (well, almost any of them).
For some reason, Harbugh gets an incredible amount of press and goodwill. Sure, he does some pretty crazy and reportable things like:
- Sleeping over at recruits' homes.
- Diving into pools with clothes on.
- Playing with recruits with no shirt on.
- Strange press conferences.
- Whatever ... he’s bat shit crazy.
So, there is no doubt that when you add that to a very visible football program, with a large and rabid fanbase, a demigod of sorts is created.
BUT WHAT THE HELL HAS JIM HARBAUGH WON?
This is the question that really drives me crazy. Why is Harbaugh put on the same level as Urban Meyer and Nick Saban? Hell, why was he ever considered to be on the same level as Dantonio?
He made a national name for himself as a coach while at Stanford. He took a lowly Stanford Cardinal program and developed it into a national power. His overall record was 29-21 in 4 years, with the last year being the zenith with a 12-1 record that included an Orange Bowl win over the Virgina Tech Hokies. The Hokies were the ACC champs, but in 2010, the ACC was a complete mess and it was the lamb for the slaughter against Andrew Luck.
Harbaugh goes to the NFL — still doesn’t win a championship (do we count the NFC) and then is pushed out by the 49ers.
SAVE US SAVIOR!
Harbaugh gets hired as the head coach for the Skunkbears. Michigan people were making babies with their minds as they just knew Jimmy was coming home to win, win, win.
“He can do it — right? Jimmy can lead us to our beloved Rose Bowl! I can’t wait to be Champions of the
West Big Ten again! Yay us!!!”
As of right now, Harbaugh is 1-4 versus his main rivals of Sparty and the Ohio State Buckeyes. Most likely, he’ll be 1-5 after Urban Meyer kicks his teeth in at the end of the year.
Man ... this Harbaugh guy is AWESOME!
SAME KHAKIS WITH A SMALLER WAIST SIZE
Notre Dame fans know a little bit about this whole process that Michigan fans are going through right now. The process has a decided schematic advantage, and that basically makes Jim Harbaugh a skinny Charlie Weis.
Like Weis, Harbaugh has a bravado about him that angers and inspires. It's actually called "being an asshole" just about in any other line of work — but not as a college football coach.
Harbaugh had his fans wrapped around his finger as the hope of doing something great outweighed the failures of doing something poorly. Like Charlie Weis, Jim Harbaugh can't beat his rivals. The losses keep piling up against the most important opponents, and at some point fans will start to turn on him and get BRUTAL.
The Wolverines care more about a conference championship than anything else in the world, and they care about it more than any school in the country. They care about it more than winning a national championship. It's the byproduct of the Bo Shembechler lifestyle (did I spell that right — because I really don't give a shit). What makes this so damn laughable, is that Michigan finished 3rd IN THEIR DIVISION each of the past two years. It's like a conference championship is the hardest goal imaginable for Harbaugh.
Jim Harbaugh can't win shit, and sooner or later, Michigan fans are going to have to deal with that. In the meantime, they can take solace in the next 20 news stories about Harbaugh when he rips his shirt off and drinks milk straight from the cow, slaughters the cow, makes steaks out of the cow, and serves them up at the next Michigan barbecue.
Have fun with that!