How To Cope With Any Notre Dame Football Loss In 2016

Notre Dame fans are a passionate bunch. With that passion, there are obviously some very high HIGHS, but that also means there are some very LOW lows. This makes for a group of fans that are in need of as much therapy and “happy pills” as any group in the country.

I have always been curious as to how fans deal with a loss- no matter the opponent. And I have studied these methods for years.

Just like with a bad breakup or losing a job or your dog dying; booze and tunes can help you with the pain. So, with that in mind, I offer you this chart of misery list of ways to help you heal. There is a way to deal with every possible loss this season for the Irish. 12 games with 12 different booze and tunes combos. Just go to that dark room, crack that bottle open, and put the song on repeat until your wife or kid or neighbor find you passed out on the ground clinging to your Knute Rockne pillow pet.

TEXAS

Booze: Case of warm beer.

You forgot about that case of Pabst by the garage- just like Notre Dame forgot to bring their "A" game. Your dreams are shattered.

NEVADA

Booze: Bloody Mary

Home opener? Loss? These are the days that try men’s souls. This calls for some Tudor wrath.

MICHIGAN STATE

Booze: Margarita

On the rocks? Sometimes a trip south of the border frees you of guilt. Sometimes, tequila is your only friend.

DUKE

Booze: Mad Dog 20/20 Grape

You don't deserve Notre Dame football or Rosanna you pitiful bastard. You may not even wake up in the morning. Hold someone else.

SYRACUSE

Booze: Screwdriver

Your mom always told you not to screw around with your dad's tools. Now, suffer the suffering.

NORTH CAROLINA STATE

Booze: Moonshine- probably the kind you get from your neighbor’s buddy Doe Boy in the plastic milk jug.

You mess with people with bi-polar disorder and you feel awful about that. You feel worse that they are in your head FOREVER.

STANFORD

Booze: Red Wine

You are relegated to red wine and crying- just like that mom that got ostracized at a play date- WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT AN SAT SCORE BITCH?!

MIAMI

Booze: Rum, rum, and rum.

What the hell just happened?! You can’t even mix a good drink now. Every bottle in front of you is some type of rum. Everything is broken.

NAVY

Booze: Cutty Sark

Yes, yes... the entire bottle. Think of it as an exercise in what NOT to do- just like not ever losing to Navy ever ever ever. You sad little pirate.

ARMY

Booze: Old-Fashioned

We just lost to a team that your grandfather and his father before him feared. You will bear this loss for them.

VIRGINIA TECH

Booze: Wild Turkey

GOBBLE GOBBLE BITCH! You reap what you sow- but how in the hell do you plant a Hokie? You don’t, and you’re the one that gets harvested for a soylent green program in Blacksburg.

SOUTHERN CAL

Booze: Trojan Blood (Mountain Dew Code Red & Gin)

You’re already drinking the blood of the non-believers- why stop now? At any rate, it’s all over and you and Notre Dame football are still in a room together. No one understands you quite like her and no one loves her more than you do.