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The Anti-Preview: Notre Dame VS Navy

“No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it.” -Somebody not named me

HOIST THE COLORS

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish are 3-5 and still trying to get bowl eligible in the month of November. That sentence can stand alone for any Notre Dame article or post about this weeks game against the Navy Midshipmen. So, if you feel a little down, and think this is all just some damned nightmare or a sick joke by the Creator... relax man. You ain’t Job.

Anti-Preview The wonderful @phillykelly

In our world, a great season can get turned into a crap season in quite a hurry. It takes much longer for a crap season to turn into a season that has the possibility of not being called one of the worst ever.

See our problem here?

So, to keep that slow momentum going after Notre Dame’s win over Miami, the Irish will face off against an ancient foe, and in doing so, gotta go straight pirate.

Navy

The Midshipmen in contrast to the Irish, are having a pretty good season. They beat the Houston Cougars (then #6 team in the country) and the HOTTEST coach in America (Tom Herman). Although the Middies lost last week to conference foe South Florida, they are still setting themselves up for a terrific season and a chance to win their conference.

There are two small differences about this years Navy team that you may not be aware of given your time to care about such things...

1. Navy is not the best rushing team in the country anymore. They are only #5 at 296 yards per game.That’s a full 60 yards less a game than #1 New Mexico (and about 50 yards less than Army- be sure to mention that to any Navy people you come across).

2. Navy can throw the football and has a quarterback that has a name that can destroy a newspaper headline for Notre Dame fans. Will Worth: “Will Shows His Worth and Sinks The Irish” or something to that effect. He’s almost passed for 1000 yards and has 6 touchdowns to go along with a 60% completion percentage. Oh... hello freshman defensive backs in white.

Navy will come to play and play dirty hard. Will the Irish?

What Should You Be Drinking?

How about some Pirate Punch? Not just any pirate punch, but the most generic punch that has existed and one that should never have a “how to” video attached to it. One that inspires the most boring bartender to whip out a weak-ass arrrrr.

What Should You Be Eating?

We’re pirates, right? Pirates eat stuff from the sea, right? Jacksonville is great, right?

Well, no. All those things are most likely lies. Another lie is that Miracle Whip can or should be used in recipes. Of food. That you eat. Liars.

What Should You Be Wearing?

Listen non-people of Florida. Just because you enter the state, it doesn’t mean you have entered the jungles of the Amazon. However, you may cosplay all day. How do you feel about that?

What Is The Best Thing About This Game?

It’s going to get over in a hurry. Add Navy’s option-running attack and an 11:30 start time... and we got ourself that could be over during halftime of some of the noon games. OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!

For real and for non-old person reasons, I love early kickoffs. They are a bit rare for Notre Dame when they aren’t losing consistently, but it’s that consolation prize for sucking. Get it over with and have the rest of the day for college football that won’t give you heartburn or cause you to lose the love of your children as you go Ultimate Warrior all over the living room.

Cheers!

5 Reasons To Hate Navy

Just forget that they are going to defend you and your family in battle, and roll with this hate.

1. Coach with last name I refuse to spell.
2. Former Big Johnson coach that actually is a giant Johnson.
3. Chop Blocks.
4. Win nothing but lose everything in every game against them.
5. Ram Vela

FLYING RAMS? I thought they brought a goat?

Shamrock Stars

This week it’s as cliche’ as anything ever said about the military academies.

NCAA Football: Miami at Notre Dame Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports

DeShone Kizer. DeShone Kizer could have a hell of a day passing the ball, because Brian Kelly believes in the Charlie Weis adage of YOU HAVE TO SCORE EVERY TIME YOU HAVE THE BALL AGAINST NAVY AND SCORE FAST. Look for at least 38 passing attempts, and a ton of those will be down field. For no reason as two guys go uncovered underneath. 300+ yards and 4 touchdowns passing and another running. We’ve seen this movie before.

Drue Tranquill. Drue Tranquill was key in stopping the Georgia Tech attack last year (until fate put him down) and I imagine he will figure to play a huge role here as the hybrid linebacker / safety. It’s the safest pick of the bunch to say Drue has a monster day with attitude and shutting the edge down.

At the end of the day (aka before lunch on the west coast)...

Notre Dame got an energy boost from last week’s win- no matter how insignificant some of us have made it out to be. If Notre Dame plays defense against the option that requires a bunch of freshmen to play as responsible and disciplined citizens, than Notre Dame could make this over in a hurry- OH HELL WHO AM I KIDDING? It’s going to be close for no reason at all. IRISH 38, NAVY 33.