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The Anti-Preview: Notre Dame VS Stanford

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Chainsaws is all I saw, and they were branded Notre Dame.

The Legends Trophy
The Legends Trophy
Twitter @LegendsTrophy

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish are quite simply, a bad football team. Whatever the reason and whatever the circumstances may be, the Irish have been unable to get it done this year. Notre Dame is 2-4 in what has been the easiest first six games in recent memory. If the team was even just “okay” they would be at least 4-2.

Anti-Preview The wonderful @phillykelly

This team is most definitely not “okay.”

The good news is that on the surface, it doesn’t appear to be a complete dumpster fire. The team still seems to be playing hard and at no time do I believe that they had “packed it in,” nor do I think they will moving forward.

The message being put out by Notre Dame this week is one of hope. Future hope that is. The team is young, and in 2017 they will be deep, talented, and will have a ton of experience up and down the depth chart.

That’s next year. This year, the team is still in search of hope and a bowl bid. Notre Dame needs 4 more wins to accomplish that “goal.” It has to start with...

Stanford

The Stanford Cardinal aren’t in much better shape right now than Notre Dame. While their record is better than Notre Dame’s- it’s still only one more win. Stanford’s offense, once considered a powerfully powerful power, has been reduced to errant passes and runs that go nowhere. Christian McCaffery (the only Heisman hopeful running back in the history of mankind to have never scored a touchdown on the road) has been hurt and their starting two cornerbacks have been injured as well.

Perhaps that explains their last two games against The Apple Cup partners, the Washington Huskies and the Washington State Cougars. Stanford was beat by an average score of 43-11 in those games.

Apples are fantastic.

What Should You Be Drinking?

APPLE CRACK APPLE CRACK APPLE CRACK
APPLE CRACK APPLE CRACK APPLE CRACK
Joshua Vowles

It’s time to Zombie this shit up son! Well, zombie it up and rub that apple ass-whooping in Stanford’s face.

Subway Domer One Foot Crack

One part Apple Cider or Apple Juice
One part Rum

Mix together in a large water bottle, apple cider jug, cup, keg- whatever. Mix and drink yo! The type of rum is almost inconsequential. Captain Morgan is always a solid choice, but Bacardi does make a Big Apple rum that works quite well too. It just doesn’t matter. You’ll be getting wasted with ease.

Now, lock yourself into a dark space and listen to the following music while drinking the OFSD Crack. Apple Zombie Lumberjacks son!

What Should You Be Eating?

Fried Sausage and Apples
Fried Sausage and Apples
Joshua Vowles

This dish is one of the pure classics when it comes to the Anti-Preview cuisine. Sausage and Fried Apples. There are many, many ways to make this succulent plate of heaven, but I’m going to show you how I make it best.

  • 3 lbs. of Eckrich skinless Sausage
  • 5 Apples (any kind you like bozo)
  • Butter
  • 3 shots of Jack Daniels
  • 1/4 cup of Brown Sugar

Put some butter in a big pan. Lots of butter. Slice up your apples and put them in the pan. Now take a shot of Jack Daniels and put it down your throat. Take the other two shots and the brown sugar and put it in the pan. Fry it all up for about 5 minutes on high. Slice your sausage up in threes and put it in the pan for 5 minutes while stir-frying it all. Take the contents of that pan and put in a crock pot. Heat on low for 2 hours. Serve. Send all thank-yous to my email.

Best Thing About This Game

Good series turning into great rivalry tuning into pure hate. Stanford’s version of recent events, with this little nugget:

Stanford got screwed in 2012. The game was close and went to OT, where Stanford had an opportunity to score with first and goal at the 4. After three plays, Stanford was left with one last chance to force second overtime. On a handoff, Stepfan Taylor fought, fought, and fought some more until he crossed the plain. It seemed clear that Taylor scored, but the officials didn’t see it that way. Stanford lost the game that eventually decided the national title game. Notre Dame won the game and made the championship game undefeated, but if Stanford won, they might have faced Alabama instead. In 2012, Stanford fans became filled with contempt towards the Notre Dame team, knowing that Stanford could have replaced them in the national title.

5 Reasons To Hate Stanford

1. David Grimes caught that.
2. Jim Harbaugh.
3. Original Touchdown Tommy.
4. 1992.
5. David Shaw is a whiney bitch.

Shamrock Stars

Normally, this space is reserved for the two Notre Dame players that I think will shine in the game. Not this week. Stanford is blocking my shine. 2-4 is blocking my shine. Paul Finebaum is blocking my shine. NBC is blocking my shine. Y’ALL BLOCKING MY SHINE!

At the end of the night...

We have two teams that have been underwhelming at best and total failures at worst when you think about the preseason hopes by and for each team. Stanford is in a downward spiral right now. Notre Dame has been in one for most of the season. The Irish slow that spiral down merely because this can’t go on forever. The Irish will be in full on bomb mode and if the guidance system is working properly, they might light it up. Notre Dame 41 - Stanford 31