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Let's Talk About the Silly Basketball Sneaker Market

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Some of the KD7's are noice. Others make you wonder.

Not these ones, these are cool.
Not these ones, these are cool.
Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

I was at one of my local malls this spring and casually strolled into one of the sneaker stores as I'm want to do. Was it Champs? Was it Finish Line? It definitely wasn't Dicks. I didn't have to maneuver my way around the fiercest Jack Links beef jerky display in New York, past 300 square feet of golf bags, next to the latest North Face collection, down the escalator, turn at the super intense sunglasses kiosk, and thread my way through 3 idle workers perfectly blocking the middle of the aisle.

No, I was at the one-story mall--the smaller establishment with a mere 66,784 Canadians instead of the 124,377 Canadians descending on the much larger mall and forcing me to the next county over when I don't feel like stalking the parking lot for an open spot for a minimum of 45 minutes.

It definitely wasn't at Dicks. Maybe it was a Foot Locker?

Anyway, I'm in one of these stores and step up to the wall of sneakers cooly judging the selections before my eyes. For the 3rd time this mall visit I set my eyes upon the same KD7 Weatherman's and seemingly (so I thought) said under my breath, "Ugh, I wish they'd sell the normal colorways in the stores."

A few feet behind me, strolling past the seat bench, a voice boomed out.

"I KNOW, DAMN. ALL THESE COLORS ARE RIDICULOUS."

I barely had time to turn around and give an affirming smile and nod before the man was on his way out with his lady friend already in an argument about how he needed to embrace the variety and colorfulness in his footwear. I hope they worked past it.

I love the KD7's. I thought the KD6's were awesome too but I like the 2014-15 versions better. It's a shame they'll be remembered for such an injury-riddled and disappointing season for Durant and even for him not wearing them when he switched back to the KD6's this year (see the main photo) to better fit his orthotic coming back from surgery.

I don't know exactly when the trend began but the sneaker industry in general is splattering colors all over the place like a bad acid trip. Even our new Notre Dame overlords in Under Armour are getting in on the crimes of color. The Irish hoops team started out in some very respectable Clutchfits, among other choices, then adopted these atrocious Curry 1's which I know will always be linked to the amazing ending to the season. But neon green with orange and red?

Carter

I challenge anyone to find a combination of those colors in anything throughout human history that looks good.

Yet, it's not just the colorways themselves--some of them are actually pretty cool when done just right--but it's the reasoning behind the designs that absolutely crack me up.

Let's take a look at some KD7's from this past season:

Frozens- Only available in kids sizes. For now. Just wait for the throwback release several years down the road. These were made because Durant likes ice cream in the summer. What a weirdo, right?

What The- These sneakers should have been made for one reason and one reason only. And that's to outfit Joker's henchmen in the 1988 film "Batman." Nike goes crazy like this on most of their big basketball sneakers. The top panels are even glow in the dark.

Electric Eel- Durant likes animal print and he electrifies the court. That's directly from the press release. Actually, these aren't half bad but the name is the best part.

Plaid and Polka Dot- It's like the sneaker version of ugly Christmas sweater.

Longhorn State- Just in time for the people who can't live without pony hair on their sneakers. Hope it never rains when you're outside!

Floral- I'll say this much. If you're going to plaster flowers on a sneaker this is about as classy as you're going to get.

PP&J- Okay, you win Nike. If I was a kid again I'd probably wear these to school like...

...ya'll peanut butter and jealous.

But seriously let me wrap up by saying the KD7 Aunt PearlsBlack SuedeUprisingGold Medal, and USA more than make up for all the wacky colorways.

Feel free to share your craziest sneaker purchases.