There are some really weird names out there and college football is home to perhaps the greatest collection of weird names in the United States of America. The comedy duo of Key and Peele picked up on the ridiculousness a couple years ago on their Comedy Central show which gave us this hilarious video:
We giggle, of course, but you can't tell me that in less than 12 years there will be a defensive end playing college football named Beezer Twelve Washingbeard.
I was thinking about crazy names again when putting together summer previews for Notre Dame's 2015 opponents and especially after reading this Wait But Why article on How to Name a Baby:
For what it's worth, a lot more people are going weird now than they used to. People used to be almost uniformly conformist. In 1950, only 5% of parents strayed out of the Top 1,000 names when naming their child. In 2012, 27% of parents went weird and left the Top 1,000.
This is part of a broader trend away from conformity: In 1880, the Top 4 boys names (John, William, James, George) covered one in every four boys. In 2012, the Top 4 boys names (Jacob, Mason, Ethan, Noah) cover only one in every 26 boys.
But of course this country is over three-quarters white, and while there are some exceptions to the rule, us white folk (I'm white, if you didn't know) aren't straying too far from conformism. It's the black and non-white communities where things have really exploded with fervor in recent decades--and college football is a sport where blacks outnumber whites.
The best part is some of the combinations of first and last names. Let's take a look at some of the players on Notre Dame's schedule. It's amazing.
A'Lique Terry, Wake Forest
We'll have a few apostrophes in names but not many that are interesting. My man "uh-LEEK" would have been named Ray or Bruce 40 years ago. But that's not how they roll in Miami-Dade County nowadays.
Paris Black, Wake Forest
Defensive end for the Deacons or the new eau de toilette by Giorgio Armani?
Elontae Bateman, Wake Forest
One of the main characters in the 21st Century re-working of The Great Gatsby, obviously.
Praise Martin-Oguike, Temple
A defensive lineman straight up giving it up to the Lord that he's returning to Philly for a fifth season.
Aziz Shittu, Stanford
Oh, it gets better. He's from a Nigerian family and his full name is Abdulaziz Oluwatosin Shittu, Jr. That could be the Nigerian form of Mike Smith, for all I know. It sounds awesome in the States.
Blaze Ryder, Navy
Many of you may remember Wave Ryder but don't forget little bro balling out on the offensive line and representing Hawaii.
Myer Krah, Navy
My research indicates this was actually one of the full names Mattel debated using as the primary antagonist to He-Man, before finally settling on Skeletor.
Sha-Ki Holines, UMass
I have no words. Unfortunately, he transferred from UConn in September 2013 and was never able to be groomed as a werewolf by Bob Diaco.
D'Shan Harley, UMass
When the more common D'Sean is too weak you make a move to D'Shan. You're telling me he doesn't ride this hog around campus with a name like that?
Gage Cervenka, Clemson
Our first white boy on the list. Also, might have shown up drunk to a recruiting camp last year?
Aca'Cedric Ware, Southern Cal
Notre Dame offered him this past cycle but no he couldn't come here with this fantastic apostrophe name.
Jester Weah, Pitt
A name like this and from...Wisconsin? Huh. Sounds like a Dukes of Hazzard character to me.
Jaryd Jones-Smith, Pitt
"Son, you've got two of the most common last names but you'll stand out with your first name spelling."
Olamide Zaccheaus, Virginia
I'm jealous of this name.
C.J. Stalker, Virginia
With a name like this you are nurturing a young boy to be a linebacker and a linebacker only.
Quaide Weimerskirch, Georgia Tech
Our second white boy from the western reaches of the Florida panhandle. If that name isn't enough for you then peep the hair ya'll.
Eason Fromayan, Georgia Tech
If you're ever stuck between naming your kid Ethan and Easton just split the difference. If you have a last name that sounds like a selection from Yogen Fruz, all the better.
Rod Rook-Chungong, Georgia Tech
I swear, I did not make this name up. Just a redshirt junior but doesn't look a day under 35 years old.
Anree Saint-Amour, Georgia Tech
Okay, this name isn't real. There's no way this is anything but the adopted son of Ralph Lauren & Family.
Chaz Cheeks, Georgia Tech
Sadly, my favorite name from the 2015 opponents will be moving on from Tech for his graduate season. I still felt obliged to include it on this list.