Fiesta Bowl Preview: What the heck is BattleFrog?

While Tostitos and the Fiesta Bowl was arguably the perfect bowl game and sponsorship pairing, all good things must come to an end. After a short sponsorship deal with Vizio, the Fiesta Bowl has a new sponsor this season, BattleFrog. If you're anything like me, you'd probably never heard of BattleFrog until last week. Thankfully, after some exhaustive work by the OFD Research Department, we can give you the answer to everything you could possibly ask about BattleFrog.

What is BattleFrog?

BattleFrog is a series of "obstacle course races" that take place across the country.

Back up, "obstacle races?"

Obstacle races are a new trend in personal fitness. Partici...

Back up again, what's "fitness?"

Some people believe that there's more to life than eating football food from your couch or stadium parking lot every Saturday. These people do things like running, riding a bike for reasons other than transportation, lifting heavy things and setting them down again, and various other things that make them sweat. Frankly, it's all a little strange, but "exercise" remains oddly popular for some reason. Anyway, "obstacle course races" are one of the latest fitness trends. Instead of being content with running a 5k or 10k, these people want to climb up walls, crawl through mud, and wade through cold water during their races for some reason. Think, cross country race meets a scaled down version of basic training.

Okay, I think I know a guy like that at work? Is this like that Tough Mudder thing he kept trying to convince me to do the Saturday morning before the Virginia game?

Yes. These adventure obstacle course race things have gotten so popular there's like ten different companies that run them. Tough Mudder is one, so is Warrior Dash, Spartan Race, Rugged Maniac, Atlas Race, Superhero Scramble and Go Ruck. They're all basically the same thing, with a few tweaks in distance and obstacles. Tough Mudders are longer than Warrior Dashes. Go Rucks are shorter, but require the participant to wear a weighted backpack during the race. Spartan races require competitors to make Mark D'Antonio smile (no one has ever successfully completed this challenge). Also, the commemorative t-shirt they give out at the end has a different logo and the medal looks different. Just know that finishers of one race will be quick to tell you why their race was tougher, harder, more difficult, etc than all the others, and that you're not a "real man/woman" unless you've finished their race. If you brag about finishing a Warrior Dash in front of a group of Spartans, prepare to relive middle school all over again.

What makes BattleFrog different from the other races? Is there a unique frog based obstacle?

Their website doesn't mention anything about frogs, but that's not to say there might not be frogs hanging out in the muddy areas. The strangest obstacle seems to be the "Mounds of Grounds" obstacle which involves navigating a series of mounds made of a mix of mud and coffee grounds. BattleFrog also touts it's affiliation with the Navy Seals which is presumably where the "frog" part of the name comes from.

Shouldn't TCU be in this game?

Yes. BattleFrog really dropped the ball by sponsoring the Fiesta Bowl instead of the Alamo Bowl.

Hold on, does BattleFrog to do with the old video game Battle Toads?

No. The video game Battle Toads is approximately 1000 times harder than every obstacle course race ever conceived.

Got it. Will this sponsorship in any way affect the actual bowl game this year?

Probably not. Those in attendance can probably expect a mini-obstacle course at the fan-fest somewhere near the stadium. Those watching on TV will probably see the same commercial advertising BattleFrog races throughout the broadcast. Sadly, it's unlikely that the halftime show will feature out of shape football fans attempting to traverse a ropes course or climb a wall. Instead, we'll have to make do with a performance by the Notre Dame Marching Band, Ohio State's Marching Band, and a b-list country singer.

Who would win a BattleFrog Race, Ohio State or Notre Dame?

Since many obstacles require teamwork, we'll make the hypothetical ND-OSU BattleFrog a 3 v. 3 race between the head coach, and one member of the offense and defense. For Ohio State, the team will consist of Urban Meyer, running back/offensive coordinator Ezekiel Elliot, and defensive end Joey Bosa. The Irish will be represented by Brian Kelly, Will Fuller, and Jaylon Smith. Both teams start fast with the Irish holding a small lead after the inclined wall. The Buckeyes take the lead through the first ladder section as Brian Kelly's lack of height slows him down during the climbs. Urban tries to increase the lead through underhanded means by cutting the ropes at the top of the first climbing wall. Thankfully for the Irish, the Godbacker uses his incredible strength to throw both his head coach and All-American Receiver over the wall before scaling it himself with a single leap. After the incredible feat by Jaylon, ND shortens the lead when ESPLOSIVA sets a fast pace through the muddy coffee grounds section of the course. Unsurprisingly, the mix of exertion and caffeine leads to Kelly's face turning an interesting shade of purple. Seeing the Irish quickly gaining on his Buckeyes, Urban abruptly stops to take a phone call from his wife complaining that his competing violates his family contract. As the Irish surge into the lead, Urban complains of "heart problems,"  and starts to walk off the course. With the Irish pulling away, an angry Ezekiel Elliot is attempting to run through the final 12' rope wall while Bosa shrugs his shoulders in the direction of his coach. As the Irish cross the finish line after finishing the "Platinum Rope Rig," Urban is seen boarding a helicopter with the Cleveland Browns logo on the side.

You've thought about this quite a bit.

Shut up.