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Immovable Object Wins

Hypothesized "Unstoppable Force" can be stopped, Stanford researchers discover.

SOUTH BEND, IN. -- In cooperation with researchers from the University of Notre Dame, a team of Stanford physicists conducted a series of experiments with the hopes of finally affirming the existence of the so-called "Unstoppable Force."

Long the subject of speculative scientific inquiry, the supposed force could theoretically be generated in a laboratory setting by a powerful mass projectile accelerator, such as the sophisticated model developed in Palo Alto. Stanford technicians, led by head researcher David Shaw, repeatedly thrust a 100 kg projectile into a particularly dense form of mass, recently constructed at Notre Dame and casually referred to as "The Immovable Object." Multiple collisions failed to penetrate or move the object, indicating that Stanford's machine is not, in fact, capable of wielding the illusive "Unstoppable Force," if such a force actually exists.

Professor Shaw acknowledged these early findings, but questioned their statistical significance and refuted the notion that they definitively disproved the theories he's worked hard to advance in his budding career. He further cautioned against concluding that Stanford's force is truly incapable of penetrating the South Bend (or any other) object, alluding to control variables and noting the inadequacy of current instrumentation to give precise measurements when observing projectile movement on such a scale.

Steadfast and optimistic, Shaw will spearhead the effort to improve upon the mechanics of Stanford's accelerator and conduct similar experiments under varying conditions until he is fully satisfied.

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